CINDERELLA | Review

I mean there are a lot of things that you could say go right in a movie, but isn’t it so much more fun to say what went wrong?

A faithful adaptation of the classic tale

Look, I’m going to try as hard as I can to do an unbiased review. Because that’s what I always do. But the reality is, in spite of all its flaws, I fangirled the hell all OVER Cinderella. I mean…it’s Cinderella. I’m a Disney baby through and through. Yes, regardless of its almost complete lack of feminist storylines…yes, and its glaring and admittedly racist (Walt, is that you?) absence of black representation, and spineful heros… I’m sorry but we all have that one franchise afterall 😉 They did a few songs at the end from the original (it’s not a musical) and I nearly wept (from the songs taking me back to childhood, but also from the fact that the cinema switched the lights on as soon as the credits started to roll). And the pauper-to-princess transformation was really cool (for her accessories as well). AND CATE BLANCHETT WAS A GORGEOUS BEAST!

But yeah…there were problems. And I can’t really spoil anything here if you’ve already read/watched this famed tale, so here we go…

Why are they making Cinderella? This is a constant complaint of mine. Seriously though. Where are the NEW stories? Did we need a Cinderella? (Do we really need another Jurassic Park?) There’s already been more than 7 adaptations (dating as far back as 1950) and offshoots (a la A Cinderella Story – whatever happened to that (wife-beating?) Chad Michael Murray, slurp?). The musical with Brandy in 1997 was pretty darn amazing (the SONGS!!!) and I mean, come on. It had Whitney in it. So…why do we need another one again?

Another one that’s this cheesy, my GAAAAAAAAAAH. There was so much cheesiness in this movie, it was a pizza slice from Dominos with extra cheese on its cheesiest pizza ever and stuffed in the crust with Parmesan on the side. Some of those lines were just for *coughBARFcough* But I suppose fairy tales are not supposed to be realistic?

Especially with the mice. I was over the mice. Either do it like Brandy – no mice at all – or the original animation. Where they talk and have character. These ambiguous convenient helpful ones implies lazy scripting.

And then there was the matter of the other animals. I thought the transformations were cool, but the way they retained animal-like characteristics after…meh. I was over it. I wanted pretty things. Even the step sisters were lookable.

I’m also over the whole I’m a breathy blonde heroine spiel #SleepingBeauty. But why does your voice disappear? Why do your hands flail about like you’re doing ballet all the time? And of course you have a nightingale-like singing voice, and a smile for everyone and talk to animals #warg. Yawn. Real heroines aren’t perfection. Um…and why did she stay during all that abuse? Zi.

On wardrobe…those guys’ pants were really tight, man. Rob Stark, the whole world now knows what you are working with.

The Prince…

Finally (honest!) I didn’t like the glass slippers at all. And the way the fairy godmother said she was good with shoes.

So Cinderelly Cinderelly, in all its-over-the-top-look-at-me-I-am-definitely-a-fairy-tale glory, gets a 6 from me.